神修小會的共融園地

雙詩記之三 《詩意的演進》從《情感》到《情感 2009》
A Tale of Two Poems (3)《The Evolution of A Poetic Thought》
From 《Affection 》To《Affection 2009》

星熒

【前言 簡介 Introduction】

1956 年我寫了《情感》的初稿；半世紀後，當我在編輯《情感》並英譯這首詩的時候，其「詩意」居然進化了！？

我對《情感》這首詩主體意識的感覺的確變了。我將《情感》改寫成《情感2009》，主要是去掉了我 ”現在” 認為是 “不必要的” 一些對 “特定事物(specific events) 的描述”。在去掉這些意像限制條件之後，就給這首詩帶來了新的生命，和更大的想像空間。它幾乎就變成另外一首「重生」的詩了～《情感 2009》應該是較為成熟的一首詩！
人對「意念」的塑造，的確是一種隨著人生經歷而演進的過程！而其結果之不可預料性，也就是人生過程的本質。

這兩首詩呈現出來的是我對同一個主题，在人生不同時期𥚃所產生的思維的變遷以及創作靈感之演進。
（這是有關這兩首詩的 ”前言 介紹” ；2019 年2月18日寫于南加州的 娜荷雅）
下面就是我的雙語詩集中的這兩首詩：

情感1 Affection 1

情感像 一隻堅忍的駱駝
無悔怨 揹著過多的願望
默默地 走向垠渺的沙漠
祇為了 尋覓一塊溫馨的水草
等何日 才能卸下這沉重負荷！

Affection is like a steadfast and persevering camel.
Carrying overloaded desires without regret and complaint,
It quietly walks toward the vast desert,
Only to look for a mild place with some water and grass.
How long must it go till it is time to remove its heavy load?

情感像 一縷幽淡的村煙
隨和風 飄過善感的眼簾
深思用 理智要將它繫住
冉冉地 它卻散滿了心天
Affection is like a wisp of light smoke from a distant village.
Drifting with the gentle breeze, it passes through my eyesight.
In deep thought, as I try to tie it up with some sense of reasoning,
It has gradually been dispersing all over my heart.

願望 騎著遠天一片艷麗的雲彩
情感御和風 追逐她向她去求愛
凝聚了願望 但她卻將容顏更改
變成醜惡的烏雲 終將暴雨帶來
Desire is riding on a piece of glamorous cloud in the distant sky.
Courting Desire, Affection steers the wind and chases the cloud.
After forming a condensation of Desire, she changes her appearance instead;
Turning into ugly dark cloud, she has eventually brought the storm over.

Hsing Ying',星熒1956 年 11月 23 日于 台北。

The original poem, 情感, in Chinese was written by Hsing Ying',星熒 on Nov. 23, 1956 in Taipei, Taiwan. This is a literal translation by the author on July 20, 2007 in La Jolla, California, USA.
1. 參閱2009年6月3日修訂改寫之「情感2009」一詩及2006 年 2月20 日所作「情感，理想 與 願望」一文。Refer to the revised poem, “Affection 2009” and the related article “Affection, Ideal and Desire”

情感 2009 1 Affection 2009 1

一隻堅忍的駱駝
揹著過多願望
走向垠渺的沙漠
尋覓一塊溫馨的水草
才能卸下這沉重負荷！
A steadfast and persevering camel,
Carrying overloaded desires,
Walks toward the vast desert.
Looking for a mild place with some water and grass,
It may be able to remove its heavy load!

一縷幽淡的村煙
飄過善感的眼簾
理智要將它繫住
它卻散滿了心天
A wisp of light smoke from a distant village
Passes through my sentimental eyesight.
As I try to tie it up with some sense of reasoning,
It has gradually been dispersing all over my heart.

遠天一片艷麗雲彩
風追逐她向她求愛
但她卻將容顏更改
變成烏雲
終將暴雨帶來
A piece of glamorous cloud in the distant sky,
Courting her, the wind chases the cloud.
But she changes her appearance instead;
Turning into dark cloud,
She has eventually brought the storm over.

[附記]: 2009年中，我將半世紀前在台北時寫的「情感」一詩，略為更改如上，這是僅用原詩每一行的後半段組成，它不僅保存了原詩的主要意境，用詞更加簡練，也較含蓄，讀起來更別具一番情懷。
Note: This poem, “Affection 2009,” is a revised version of the original Chinese poem “Affection“ I wrote half century ago. It was revised by me, Hsing Ying',星熒, the author, on June 3, 2009 in La Jolla, California, USA. This is its literal translation by the author.
Hsing Ying', 星熒 2009年6月3日修訂改寫